Anyways. I wanted to tell you guys that all the events I shared with you were not real. I can explain and it's your choice to accept my apology or not.
When I first started my blog, I was planning to start it with my cousin, she had a story and thought I would write it better than her, she only wrote the introduction and ditched me, so I thought I can make up some events and tell that it's based on a true story. But then I thought, why are all blogs about relationships? It's like they're encouraging them. My cousin's relationship did not work out, so I thought why not integrate two stories in one, to encourage traditional marriage and discourage relationships and such because all the relationships I heard about ended up in failure. Readers kept on asking for more and I did not work under pressure, so I made up more lies until my cousin gave me more details to add to her story but she never did. And the train of lies continued.
At first, I did not want to get close to any of my readers. I barely dm'ed them because I was feeling guilty for all the lies and could not bear having more secrets. At first I did not want to have a kik account for the blog, you kept on asking and I signed up for it. When people started opening up to me I tried to pull myself out of it but then I got comments like "mt'3yra 3lena" "tzbdin wajd" "ma t36i wjh" and etc. so when I tried to be nicer I had more people opening up to me and telling me their secrets.
As I said, I have a story behind every lie I told. The whole thing is a twisted truth. Love story, marriage? They weren't real. But I sure did share my feeling through out expressing myself as Reem or Ghada. My mother is alive, still going through cancer treatment. But I did lose a father. When someone close to Reem or Ghada dies, it's not a person who just died, it's just that it just hit me that losing a father meant losing someone as special as a/an (...).
I know you guys trusted me, not all of you but a certain number. I know I am not worthy of your trust. I know I deserve all the hate and grudges. And I sincerely apologize.
I have been in your shoes. I was lied at, I trusted people with many things but they turned out to be liters and they never thought about admitting it, and it gets harder to forgive if you don't know the story behind what was done. I told you this because since I've started this lie I didn't know how to end it. I deactivated everything at first because my secret was out, obviously to a couple of liars. I came back because I didn't want to leave and let you think that Reem and Ghada are real, although I never had the nerves to confess. When I deactivated everything again it was because I knew I wasn't crying myself to sleep everything for nothing. I was guilty and I knew it, I never thought I'd feel so guilty for doing anything. I revealed to someone and told them the whole thing, I asked her if I should tell you guys the truth but she told me I was better off hiding it. I couldn't. I might be a good liar, but I can't keep a lie for too long, I feel guilty and sorry for myself.
I deactivated it before rm6'an because as you all know it's a holy month. God forgives most of his dedicated slaves in it, blis w el shya6in mrb6a b hatha el sh'hr. I knew that any sin I commit at this holy month is all on me, mo wswas mn blis eli 5lani akml this lie. I was hoping that in this month it'll be a fresh start for me. No lies. I did stop the lying, but it wouldn't do any good if I was still hiding many truths, wouldn't it?
Believe me, I feel more sorry for myself than you do. I feel pathetic. I hated where this was going but I didn't know how to end it, and here I am doing so. I wanted to let you guys no that I did lie, but I still am the person you trusted with your secrets, I never talked about any of you guys with anyone. Your secrets are safe, don't worry about that. I know it's still hard to trust me, really hard. But I only have one wish.
Do you guys remember when I went like "sam7oni w 7lloni" and kept on repeating it for only God knows how long? That's the reason. You guys asked what was wrong and I'm telling you now that it's guilt. You guys told me "msam7ink w m7llink mn '3er ma t6lbin", I really hope you still forgive me. I am extremely sincerely sorry, I promise I did not intend to lie.
